Of Glitter and Hairy Beasts
by Anesther
Summary: A mockery of poetry is what this is! Anyway, felt like doing it and this is how it ended up. If you click give your opinions, pretty please. Rated T, I guess, for immaturity about sexual innuendo.


**AN: This is going to be mockery of poetry…! Not my best work ever (there isn't even a syllable count…), however I couldn't resist. Everything is meant for fun, totally don't wish to offend anybody! :D**

Once upon a time

When it first came out

I had no money, broke, nada

Left it with a pout.

x

Three years later

It's a huge seller

Seeing it everywhere

Was annoying, dear reader.

x

But swallowing my pride

And the thought

Of following the "trend"

A twilight was bought.

x

It was amazing

The author like no other

The vibrancy, the characters

The same world felt like another.

x

I tried not to obsess--really

However, I wanted more

All around me, here and there!

I became a twilight-crack whore.

x

It grew worse by the day

I typed it into Ask dot com

Sites and shrines and art--oh my!

It hit me like the atomic bomb.

x

Even joined a community

On a lovely place called LJ

Check it out sometime

Great place to spend the day.

x

Fan Fiction was already

A huge fudging addiction

Adding twilight in the mix led to

More than one forum discussion.

x

The muse then twitched

It said "Write something!"

Knowing I couldn't resist

The bell gave off with a _ding_!

x

InuYasha has been my

Writing niche for a long while

Luckily, some things were alike

Though they're not in the same pile.

x

There are dripping romances

Sweet, full of fluff and sugar-coats

Though some tipped off the edge of OOC

Eh, whatever floats peoples boats.

x

Some are just dark and brooding

Full of pain and angst

I have an idea for one right now

So those are nothing I'm against.

x

Some were just plain incoherent

I'm known for creating a "theory"

But a few didn't click

Appeared like a fallacy.

x

Lord, let's see those couples, huh?

Whether they are right or wrong

This girl will choose the weirdest one

And search for it--sometimes for hours long.

x

Bella Swan x Edward Cullen

That's so bloody canon, people

True love is set, neither drama nor talon

Can separate _these_ kids off their steeple.

x

Carlisle x Esme

Just so perfectly cute

Wonderful parents and mates

He's also a doctor to boot.

x

Emmett x Rosalie

Nice hot guy and lovely mean girl

Yes, her past is tragically torn

No matter; her attitude makes me hurl.

x

Alice x Jasper have a love

That's beautiful and quiet like ancient lore

But the provocative pictures of them

So "Whoa!" are what I go for.

x

Jacob x Renesmee

Was a "What the flip?" moment

To some it's adorable and fresh

It is, but it still causes a bit of torment.

x

Quil x Claire are

Innocent unconditionally

What do people _think_ the guy will do?

Run to Vegas and do her in an alley?

x

Parts of the series

Are memorable

Like food in Rose's hair

Others, just utterly horrible.

x

Jacob x Bella won't ever be

I'm happy they didn't fit

Not because I prefer Eddie

More on that she led him on a bit.

x

"You're my exact brand of heroin."

That's how a vampire shows his ardor

Though if said to me--mortal or not

Would so get a restraining order.

x

Alternative pairings

Those are so much fun

The adventures, the romps

Delight (or pain) for everyone!

x

Jane x Alec

It's incestuous, forbidden

This is a creative indulgence

As long as it's not sodden.

x

Maggie x Seth

Why not, damn it?

If Jake can go with Nessie

Then this could be a hit.

x

Angela x Emmett

Definitely have gentle appeals

Felix x Gianna

Sexy like Heidi's high heels.

x

Jasper x Bella

Not my favourite fanon

Not bashing or anything

It just seems hard to write on.

x

Alice x Jacob

Loved from the very start

They'd have lots of twists and

I don't care that she's so short.

x

Anime/Manga is awesome

Look at my name for Pete's sake

It might be due to this, for

Thoughts of Yaoi I make.

x

Jasper x Edward

Funny yet scary if you read

The Proper Use of Inanimate Objects

_Naughty _things are done and said.

x

Edward x Jacob

Another personal rave

The chemistry is unexpected

It's hilarious writing them cave.

x

Don't know if it's been done

Caius x Aro promulgate along

They kill, scheme, ravage--totalitarians

Annoying like a Hannah Montana song.

x

Jessica should have

Gone with Mike since it began

Lauren x Anyone is bug-repellent

Yes; not her biggest fan.

x

Original characters are in a story or two

Always paired with Jazz or Eddie…

It becomes so tedious after awhile

Don't they ever go with _other_ eye-candy?

x

Garrett had kick-ass attitude

Benjamin held good possibility

Don't know if Marcus is adored; but I

Say "Ha, more for me!"

x

Why do I read?

Occasionally--thank Heavens--write?

Ideas open from this boggled mind

Few appease, fewer bite.

x

There's just something attracting

About this magical place

Created from a dream

In Mrs. Meyer's head space.

x

Well-built werewolves

Gets some high points

Seductively entrancing vampires

Do melt a girls' joints.

x

However, it's neither

Nope, my love for it all

Goes to "Body Shine" skin

and cool telepathy call.

x

Whether you're a nerd

Or jock; a bitch or not

twilight brings groups together

Now critique with all you got.


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